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Wednesday, April 28, 2004
 
Why do you think Jack snuck down the hill? He needed love - Love he couldn't get from Jill.

A few days ago I was talking to my mom about a comic that I saw after Echeng linked it from his website. My mom told me that she had actually been approached by friends of hers who expressed surprise and concern over the fact that she allowed me and my friends to play Dungeons and Dragons.

"C'mon...a lot of people? You mean like maybe 2 people" I said.
"No no, quite a few people. But I never worried about you. Except for the time when you took the gun from out of my closet and ran around your highschool playing role-playing games with it"
"...what?"
"Yeah you and Mike and Marc...I was so pissed"
"What the hell are you talking about? We never did that"

My mom was adamant that this happened. I called up my friends to confirm this story:

"I didn't even know your mom had a gun!" Marc said.
"Neither did I!" I replied.

Mike also seemed to have no idea what my mom was talking about. She's clearly lost her mind.

-B

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Sunday, April 25, 2004
 
Cum on feel the noise, girls rock your boys.

Last week Pat Tillman was killed in action in Afghanistan. Before he was a special forces soldier he was a pro football player. He gave up a multi-million dollar contract and the opportunity to fulfill what was likely a life-long goal. While our country has lost hundreds of soldiers in conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan. Much has been said of this particular soldier, who seemed to have it all...and gave it all for something he believed in. You gotta respect someone who holds so strongly to his convictions. He also look like a friggen action hero. Check it out:









Contrast Tillman's story with that of San Diego's newest villain: Eli Manning. Eli Manning (or perhaps more accurately his puppet master father) believed in something too. He believed that he was better than the organization that is to support him for the rest of his life. A system that would no doubt bring him incredible wealth and renown. He believed that he was too good to play football in San Diego and get paid millions of dollars for it. He was also too good to play in whatever number the Giants would give to him. Eli demeaned that one of his new teammates abandon the number that Manning coveted.

So he and his father instead took an already struggling team and kicked them in the pants. As a Charger fan...I would like to say "Fuck you " to Eli Manning. And I present to you : My dream senario for the coming years.

We begin with New York and their training camp:

Giants running back Tiki Barber, shows up to find his uniform, and personal effects strewn all over the locker room floor. He looks over towards his locker to see Eli Manning sliding the "Tiki" name plate out of it's holder and replacing it with a shiny new "Eli" plaque.

"Hey Tiki, sorry about your stuff there...but I ALWAYS get the center locker...you understand right?" Manning smiles.

An enraged Barber leaps over the locker room benches and begins wrestling Eli to the floor. The fight is quickly broken up with Barber and Manning forced to run extra laps as a disciplinary measure. While running Eli trips and skins his elbow. He gets up slowly and claims to need the entire pre-season to heal "both physically and mentally". A frustrated Jeremy Shocky threatens to give Manning a real reason to heal.

Meanwhile back in Charger town everyone is getting along perfectly. San Diego's no-name receivers respond well to their new quaterback (Phillip Rivers), and suddenly they seem to move faster, catch better and run crisper routes. River's meanwhile has somehow managed to work through all the problems with his fundamentals and throwing mechanics in just a couple short weeks. Coaches also marvel at how easily he seems to adapt to more complicated NFL offensive schemes.

Back in New York the Giant's offensive line decides to take their new QB out to Peter Luger's in an effort to build a strong relationship with the rookie. Manning - unhappy with the limo service, the choice of restaurant, and the manner in which his linemen choose to dress themselves is bitter and argumentative for the entire meal. As a result of this meal Eli Manning will become the most sacked quarterback in history in his first season.

Phillip Rivers and LaDanian Tomlinson lead the chargers to 3 consecutive superbowl victories while Eli Manning is unable to to complete a touchdown pass. His Giants finish in last place (giving the Chargers a sweet first round draft pick next year). Manning eventually gets traded, then let go. He' is last seen wandering the streets in a crack-induced stupor offering to do anything or suck anyone for just one more hit.

Ta-da!!!! My dream senario.

-B


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