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Wednesday, October 27, 2004
 
New Digs

On Monday I moved into a new "space", an office space if you will. I'm n a cubicle with one of the development teams who utilizes our motion-capture services on a regular basis.

Whenever people move offices, especially when it's between buildings, someone comes and picks up all our equipment and moves it for us. Nice! I had a couple small filing cabinets that I wanted moved, so I marked them as such and went home under the assumption that they would be waiting for me at my new space the next day.

No such luck. I went to the facilities people and asked what happened. I was told, "You need to clear those out first". I explained that the point was I wanted all the stuff in those cabinets...As well as the cabinets. The facilities guy came back with, "Well your cabinets don't comply with your new building's color scheme...They need to be black".

"even though I'll only be there for a few months?" I asked.

"yup...But what I can do is bring the cart over for you and you can move them."

Now my mind is reeling. Nothing this guy says makes sense to me. Forget the corporate "feng-shui" thing. I mean...If the colors really mattered why would I be able to move them there myself? Why would it matter if they were cleared out first?

I just sorta smiled at him and said, "well it doesn't really make sense to me, but I don't think there's anything I can do about it...So there you go."

weird.

-B

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Sunday, October 24, 2004
 
The H-bomb returns (and other stories about girls)

It's been a while since I've blogged here, and there were some things goin on in my personal life that I wanted to work out with those involved before airing it out here.

Before I get into this whole thing let me first explain my whole "ex-girlfriend thing"

I think I get it. I understand that most people can't take a "step backwards" with the people they become intimate with. You set up certain rules with people, and I can see how it would be strange or even impossible to try and change those rules once they are established.

Furthermore, I understand that couples establish deep and binding ties that do damage when they are ripped apart. Often times permanent damage. While I can see how this happens. I can see how people meet, fall in love, fall out of love, break up, and never talk to each other again. That's just not for me though. I invest too much time and energy in these things to let them completely die away. I like to think that my romances are founded on friendship. I don't see why that friendship can't survive a break-up.

So far, my ex's and I have managed to foster some pretty great relationships since our break-ups. They are relationships that actually give meaning to that tired phrase, "we can still be friends".

As you'll recall I broke up with my girlfriend a couple months ago. Good ol' H-bomb. Since that day I've had no contact with her. Last weekend was her birthday though, and I had naturally been thinking about her and wondering how she was doing. So I figured it was probably a good time to start slowly reestablishing contact. I left her a small birthday gift at her doorstep, and a couple days later we spoke on the phone and arranged to have lunch today.

I'm not sure what it was, but something in the back of my mind told me to prepare for the strong possibility that she would have moved on by now, and be dating someone new. It turns out my instincts were correct. Now I could go all Alanis Morrisette on you here. You might be wondering if it was, indeed, a "slap in the face, how quickly I was replaced".

The truth of the matter is that of course there was a hefty stab of pain that came along with that news. I also know that it's my own pride holding the knife. I'm always going to be at least a little jealous when an ex finds herself a new man. Certainly the less time that has passed, more upset I'm gonna be.

I told Heather as much while we ate lunch today. However I'm not angry. How could I be? It's a little trite to bust out the "All I ever want is for you to be happy" phrase, but it's all I got for you. It's part of being a good friend to someone. All that can keep me from being that, is that same son-uva-bitch "Pride"...The guy with the knife in my heart.

So I just keep pride from getting the best of me. If I can do that, well then I get the benefit of keeping someone really special in my life. That's the sort of thing that's important to me.

Now...I can't pretend to be completely above petty and spite. As I said, I was pretty sure that Heather had started dating someone new. Before we met I told myself I wouldn't let myself do something...But in a moment of weakness I did it anyway.

The deal is this: I'm not currently seeing anyone, but I did have a pretty nice date a few weeks back. The date went really well and I had a good time, but in the days that followed, Something just didn't feel right and I just didn't feel comfortable getting involved with someone so soon. So at our next meeting I told this new girl I didn't want to continue anything "romantic". I may have even busted our the old "Platonic" phrase. Always a good one.

When Heather asked about my dating life these days I did in fact say something like, "It was just too soon for me" or "_I_ just couldn't get involved with someone so soon after". I'm confident it was subtle...But (while being pretty accurate) it was still kinda a jerk thing to say since the unspoken message is basically, "I was being a good guy by trying to be sensitive to your feelings, and your being mean".

It's not what I actually believe. Heather's doing nothing wrong by dating other people (that was in fact the basic reason for breaking up afterall). But it was just too hard to keep my defense mechanisms from kicking in.

While the encounter leaves me (obviously) a bit distraught, it WAS really fun to see her again. The positives of just hanging out and catching up with someone I care about far outweighed the small (albeit potent) kick in the pants that came along with it. She was naturally pretty curious about all that was going on with my brother and his pregnant girlfriend. Her job sounds like it's going really well, and she seems to be on the right track with her health problems. I'm looking forward to talking to her again sometime in the future.

-B

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