Does That Make Me Crazy?
In Sally Potter's Orlando
, the principle character is an Elizabethan Nobel blessed with unending youth. At some point during the film he sorta magically (and for no real reason) turns into a woman. Orlando is the same exact person, just a different gender.
There are two moments in the film where the phrase "I adore you..." is uttered. The first takes place when Orlando is a man and it's his explanation as to why the object of his affection should be his. "Because I adore you" he says as if this was as obvious as it was sufficient.
It's spoken again in the second half of the film, this time by Archduke Harry who is proposing to (and is rejected by) the now female Orlando. The Archduke claims that Orlando is his on the grounds that "I adore you".
In the film this all brings the sticky subject of gender inequality into sharper focus, but I was thinking about these moments recently in relation to my own life. Hopefully my attitudes are not shaped by the same misconceptions that these men held, but I think I have a similar problem.
When I find myself connecting with a woman, when I find my attention becoming fixed on her, it's very hard for me to comes to terms with the idea that my enthusiasm might not be reciprocated. Something inside me perceives chemistry and at that point can't be convinced of anything other than successful romance.
So it is that I come to be recently very confused and somewhat disappointed. Conversations with this particular girl are always great. Seems like there's lots in common, good body language, plenty of laughs. Unfortunately all my attempts to actually hang out with this person end with her cancelling...often at the last moment...sometimes without actually letting me know.
So I SHOULD be annoyed yes? Maybe angry? But apparently I'm just pathetic because I'm only mystified and a little blue. Obviously this person is not all that fired up on me. Her actions say it plainly enough (even though her words speak to the contrary). I know I should just cut the whole situation lose and move on, but there's that weird part of me -- that part that says, "but I adore you". That's the part that's just sort of standing there with a quizzical look on it's face and a big cartoon question mark over it's head. I mean...don't get me wrong. I figure it out eventually. I'm not a stalker...I don't think. :)