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Tuesday, July 10, 2007
I know you'd like to think your shit don't stink...

I have a problem with yo momma. Well maybe not yo specific momma, but there is something that can happen to women when they turn into mommas that can get a little scary. I understand that a mother and her child share a special bond. I also see how useful a mother's instinctive enthusiasm to protect her brood can be. The problem is that sometimes those instincts seem to corrupt the brain and turn ordinary ladies into whacked-out, self important, lunatics.

I swear that 50% of new mom's are convinced they are the Virgin Mary. Just like the paranoid schizos who hear voices and then run out to eat prostitutes, these women figure that the world is some jealous conspirator bent on destroying their precious, snotty, toddler.

I see this sort of thing a lot in parking lots. Women pushing a stroller somehow think they are invincible. They must imagine that stroller is some sort of crusader's shield -- a divine aura of protection. I've seen these people practically leap out into traffic. I think some of them hide in the shadows like a suburban Lone Wolf and Cub and spring out onto the pavement when you least expect it.

this generally leads to a slamming of breaks on some motorist's part and a cautious "whoa...I'm glad everyone's okay" sortta wave. But rather than just move on with their lives, the stroller driver is much more likely to give you the staring down of your life. I'm pretty sure these people are really trying to use "shame" the same way Darth Vader uses the force to crush someone's windpipe.

and to what end?! I mean sure, if you're a driver and your attention wanes to the point where you put someone's life at risk (even if it's only marginally so) than shame on you. A sincere apology is in order. But shit once the driver raises the hand and mouths the "I'm sorry" through the windshield, make up and move on with your life. You're keeping your kid in FURTHER jeopardy by leaving it out in the middle of the road while you take 15 minutes yelling and doing your best to summon your most self-righteous stink-face.

At the end of the day, no one got hurt and your not THAT special.


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